Tourniquet
by Dragonfly4
Summary: Im not sure bout the ratin may have 2 go up dunno. Suicide, if it makes you uncomfortable don't read. Set after the fall of Umbrella, better summary inside i promise!


**Resident Evil**  
  
**Tourniquet**  
  
Author's Note: Hey another Rebecca fic for you (im sure your all surprised) I like minor characters so more likely my fics will focus on them e.g. Rebecca, the Bravos, Billy, Carlos etc. This is my first song fic so if it sucks tell me; I just thought I would try something new...  
  
Disclaimer: Im not Capcom so I don't own Resident Evil although I should because I could think of better story lines and games than Dead Aim, Outbreak etc but that's not the point. I don't own the song Tourniquet either that belongs to the fabulous people that make up Evanesence.  
  
Summary: Set after the fall of Umbrella not gonna mention dates coz Capcom haven't finished the story yet. Basically what happens to everyone after the fall and how that affects a certain member of the resistance. I'll give ya three guesses who!  
  
**Nationwide Today October 1998  
  
Thousands killed as fire sweeps through mountain community mysterious illness may be involved.  
**  
That was about as truthful as the headlines ever got back then when things were at their worst yet at their best. No one believed Umbrella was creating serious bio weapons or manufacturing viruses that turned people into the walking dead.....  
  
'except they weren't really dead now were they...'  
  
Raccoon City, at first it had seemed like a paradise for me, my own life not having to rely on people's charity, that was something all those years had taught me, do well so you don't need to depend on these people. So I had I had studied got scholarships graduated early and sought my independence through the S.T.A.R.S. and Raccoon City.  
  
'_How quick they all turned on you though'_  
  
Oh yes since then all accusations had been dropped and people believed us again but after so long been shunned by everyone as Umbrella did their best to kill us, there sudden apologies meant nothing.  
  
'_admit it nothing matters anymore anyway'_  
  
And now I was back where it all started. The wreckage that was Raccoon City still visible as I climbed through the forest, I wasn't really sure of the way but it wasn't like it mattered.  
  
_'not like there is anyone waiting for you to come home now is there Rebecca?'  
_  
True, too painfully true. You'd think everything would have a happy ending, we stopped Umbrella they were held accountable for the thousands of deaths they caused....  
  
'_but what about the one's you caused hmmm?'_  
  
no more of my friends had died and we had even managed to recover Claire's long lost love Steve although granted he was now something similar to what Wesker had ended up. Everyone admitted they were wrong and our names were all cleared. Happily ever after normally comes next.....well im still waiting.  
  
All the others have their happily ever afters, Claire got her Steve and Steve got his Claire last I heard he'd proposed, Barry had re-united with his family and had moved to Canada, I never found out where exactly, Leon last I knew he was working for the FBI or something, up near the president, Jill and Chris had tied the knot and that meant Carlos had disappeared from the scene, shame we got on real well, last I heard from him was a letter saying he'd gone back home and a sonogram with the note 'im gonna be a daddy' attached. Billy...well...Billy I never saw again.  
  
Now where did that leave Rebecca....everyone had paired off and fucked off, no forwarding address, no nothing....just the guilt.  
  
Ahhh the guilt THAT remained, that was as predictable and dependable as the sunrise.  
  
As I climbed the mountains, walking for hours the adrenaline causing my mind to speed up along with my body.  
  
Whilst the "war" against Umbrella was been fought, I had thought of it as that a war. Kill or be killed, do what you must to survive and protect your friends. The zombies well they were already dead, in fact condemned to a fate worse than death, putting a bullet in their heads was an act of mercy. Except now the war was over and the friends were long gone. The zombies had souls, and the Umbrella were not infected, so that made it murder.  
  
My thoughts almost make me walk past what I am looking for. I don't know how long I have been walking all I know is I am suddenly very tired, I look to the sky the sun is rising, it was ten am last I knew.  
  
'_must have walked through the night...I am loosing it I never even noticed'_  
  
The last time I was here I was not alone, it has changed but I know I am in the right place. I sit where he sat, and I can see what is left of the house that evil and insanity built. As I look around I decide I made the right choice to come here, this was the perfect place.  
  
I reach into my hiking boot and draw out the knife. I admire my reflection in the blade, and realise it is not just the surroundings that have changed since I was last here, the face is not that of a fresh faced teenager, but of a haunted woman with a few scars on her face,  
  
_'reminders or a branding?'  
_  
I look around one last time praying for someone to barge into view, Chris or Jill having followed me, apologising for cutting me out of their lives, Billy saying he was sorry he ever left me and had been coming here in the hopes of seeing me again. No one comes, and I just wasted time causing myself more pain than was necessary by admitting my weaknesses.  
  
I WOULD forgive them, I did need them, I needed people, I didn't want to be alone. Alone with my guilt. Before I let that train of thought start again I press the blade into my wrist dragging it along, cutting through skin, muscle and blood vessels. It hurts more than I had hoped but I still repeat the action on my second wrist.  
  
**_I tried to kill my pain but only brought more._**  
  
The pain caused the guilt to resurface, and I fall backwards, laying on my back. The rosary beads around my neck tap against my chest reminding me of what I have done, I killed people, I committed a mortal sin. Was I a condemned woman? I put my hands to my face as the tears begin to fall, the blood pouring from my wrists mixing with the tears.  
  
'_how appropriate'  
_  
**_I lay dying  
  
and im pouring crimson regret and betrayal.  
  
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
  
Am I too lost to be saved  
  
Am I too lost?  
_**  
"Forgive me ff-father for I have sinned..."  
  
I couldn't say anymore, my hands fell from my face, lying on the ground next to my head, I soon feel the liquid that is my life's blood, pooling around me. I look up to the stars, and hope that God is the loving and forgiving type not the vengeful condemning type.  
  
"G-god im so-orry"  
  
The faces flash before my eyes, the soldiers, their eyes rolling back in their heads as the blood trickles from their mouths, the infected, men women children I had put bullets in all their heads. My friends, those dead and alive. All the suffering I have caused how many fathers, sons, brothers, mothers, sisters, daughters have I killed! I can practically feel the fires of hell licking at my feet.  
  
**_My God, My Tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
My God, My Tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
_**  
The faces continue to dance and no one comes, I am alone, even God has turned his back no doubt on someone like me.  
  
'_pleaseforgivemepleaseforgivemeimsooosorryimsorry...so...sorry'_  
  
The tears flow again, though my body can barely shake the effort is too much, and I feel light headed, and the pain is absolute, my entire body hurts, my SOUL hurts!  
  
**_My wounds cry for the grave  
  
My soul cries for deliverance Will I be denied Christ Tourniquet  
  
My Suicide  
_**  
Author's Note 2:  
  
Aww the angst! Thinking of leaving it there you draw your own conclusions! And oh yeah now you have read this you might as well leave a review go on the button is only there!  
  
Love  
  
Dragonfly xxxx 


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